Five Kind of Late Life & Pop Culture Updates You Didn’t Ask For And Don’t Care About

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Thanks for tuning into NPR Up First! Here are the 5 things you need to know before taking a bite out of your morning toast! This is your SNL Weekly Update!

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No. 1 Skinny Con is pregnant.

This is the most important thing you need to know. We don’t deserve Skinny Con, or her child. I listen to this podcast religiously, and therefore have formed unhealthy parasocial relationships with her and her husband, Michael Bosstick, who always takes me aback by how hot he is when I come across him on social media. I always pause and stare. I’m so used to his voice, his personality, his audible mannerisms, but wow what a face. I am objectifying a man on the internet and women have fought for this moment and I am honored to be here.

Her name is Lauren Evarts. I am a superfan. Not a creepy stalker, I haven’t like looked up her home address, but I have bought just about everything she’s recommended. I’m in 3 Skinny Con Facebook groups. I bought her E-book, which, BY THE WAY, was the price of a discounted college textbook. It’s supposed to help me become a better ~blogger/influencer~. Let me know if it’s working upside down smiley. There are typos in it but I forgive her because she can do no wrong in my eyes.

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28 going on 15

No 2. #CampTay2019 #TayCon2019 

My friends and I are in our late twenties. My friends and I attended our second Taylor Swift sing-a-long at the Alamo Drafthouse this year. My friends and I need group therapy.

We all wore white shirts, which I Swear Upon The Scarf At Your Sister’s House, that we did not plan that. And by that, I mean 4 of us showed up to dinner happening to wear white then we called the 5th one and told her she had to show up in white. Crazy. Fate.

PaigePaige performed an interpretive dance to “Back to December” and I honestly think of it once a week and laugh out loud, or at least smirk, every time. She got a standing ovation by our fellow Swifties. I should post it on my IG story highlights. PLEASE LEAVE COMMENT IF YOU’D LIKE ME TO POST THE PERFORMANCE. ALSO LEAVE A COMMENT ANY WAY.

A blog post that I’ve been planning to write is titled, “True Life: My Friends Are Die Hard Swifties” and diving into the experience of what it’s like never being quite obsessed enough with Tay. (Yes, we call her Tay. Taylor is formal and we feel we know her better than that). I have always been a Tay fan, since high school. I’ve seen her perform live twice. I buy her albums. But could I name every member in her family? Their job titles? Do I have her dating history and celeb fueds and best friends straight? Do I know which boy her hit songs are about? Sweating just typing it out. The point is, I hate high school, and being friends with Swifties is hell. JK love y’all.

I love Lover. It’s on my to do list to quantify exactly how much more/less I love it compared to Reputation. Like literally, I plan to listen through both albums, categorize the songs into Love, Like, or Skip then calculate the percentages so I know exactly which album I like more. Because I don’t know until I see the data. Because I’m a grad student now and this is my thesis.

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No 3. I’m still watching Gossip Girl

No, like, I mean it. The original show that released circa 2008. I started the show when I was in high school, then never finished it, now as a married adult WITH APPARENTLY NOTHING BETTER TO DO, I am finally finishing the series. I’m finally achieving my dreams. Entering college without Tivo or streaming TV services is hard.

I’m so proud of myself too, thank u.

But I have noticed: I’m far more interested in the parents’ lives than the main characters, who attend high school / college. Which makes sense because I’m not a high schooler any more and maybe I should watch a show with main characters I can identify with.

JUST KIDDING, BLAIR AND CHUCK FOREVER!!!!!!!!!! I live for their moments, fighting or loving, I’m here for it all. Spin off TV show of just Blair and Chuck, pls.

PLEASE DO NOT SPOIL GOSSIP GIRL FOR ME, I’M NOT FINISHED.

PLEASE DO NOT SPOIL THE BIBLE FOR ME, I’M NOT FINISHED.

I’m on season 5 and there’s only about 80 episodes in it and there are 6 seasons so like only 3 years until I finish.

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CHILLZ!!!!!!!!!!

No. 4 I’m reading HP Half Blood Prince for the third time because I have no self control

I have a massive list of non-fiction, marketing, self help, spiritual, fiction, memoir books that I want to read. SEE MY GOODREADS ACCOUNT HERE. And yet here I am. Reading a HP book for a third time. I read it less than a year ago.

The thing is, I have a feeling it’s my favorite HP book, so I’m reading it again to confirm my inkling.

The thing is, I have no self discipline.

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No. 5 I have written two articles for Dallas Observer recently but I am not a hustler

This influencer article, which you have to buy me a margarita before I divulge my full internal thoughts, comments, concerns on, and then this estate sale article, which is more decent. I think it’s very helpful and everyone needs more antiques. Read it and heed it.

I am not a #hustler, as the millennials say.

The last thing I ever want to do after work, is work more. The fact that I have spent any of my sweet, precious non-working hours doing another work commitment for financial gain and self improvement, is more shocking to me than it is to you. I shock me. I do enjoy writing, and am always seeking to improve it, and would be blessed to be able to contribute more to DO, but even the things you’re passionate about can feel like work. I am not a hustler.

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4 responses to “Five Kind of Late Life & Pop Culture Updates You Didn’t Ask For And Don’t Care About

  1. Sarah

    I enjoyed this post. Thank you.

    Like

  2. Oh my god , I have been looking for more funny blogs that are not about how much my life will improve if I drink kombucha and switch to hemp tampons. Yes. Thank you. Subscribed.

    Like