Miles Teller Is Not Attractive And Yet The Hottest Man Alive


Miles Teller reminds me of Salt And Vinegar chips.

I work in a young female-dominated office environment, so the topic of hot celebrity men comes up an estimated 78x a month.

After the usual suspects, Bradley Cooper, George Clooney, Tom Hiddleston, I like to interject my favorite celebrity male crush: Miles Teller.

The response is always the same. Either “who is he” and “ew, he’s not hot,” which then turns into one of us googling him, resulting in their final half-hearted conclusions of, “Oh yeah, he is kind of cute?” said with a twinge of doubt, confusion, and im-agreeing-out-of-pity responses.

I never said being a Miles Teller fan was easy.

But like, I get it. I agree. He really isn’t attractive. He’s not hot. He was the guy who well all had in our junior year of high school math class.  He sat in the middle/back and was nerdy/not popular, but loud and funny, so you noticed him and remember him, but you still never thought twice about him. That guy. You know. I haven’t thought extensively about this  at all.


He is like salt and vinegar chips. I can’t decide if I like him so I’m going to keep staring at him until I decide and all the sudden it’s been 2 hours so I like salt and vinegar chips I guess.

After watching him in the movie theaters in a 1.5 hour melodramatic 2-star rom-com, you realize, wait, i’m in love with miles teller question mark???????????????????????????????????

And then to make sure you’re in love, you stalk him on social media and any articles he’s been interviewed in. And you realize little parts of characters he plays reflect in his own personality. And you do more research and you learn the dramatic difference between his Esquire shoot and his un-retouched red carpet candids.


ok??????????????????yes i’ll marry u?????



And don’t even ask me what movies I’ve seen with him. I can’t remember them. I never saw Whiplash, though have always said, “dying to see it!” But I do know that whatever I’ve seen him in had an affect on me enough to mention his name in the “hot celebrity” conversations.


i do vaguely remember this movie. it was a stupid, but i loved him in it and i need analeigh tipton’s hair now, but like i’m not easily influenced, it was just okay.




i hardly remember this movie, or him in it, but i know i was excited when i was watching this movie and he appeared, ok.

so like, prayers. prayers needed. prayers i figure out one of life’s greatest questions: Is Miles Teller Hot Or Am I Crazy. 




Filed under culture, humor

2 responses to “Miles Teller Is Not Attractive And Yet The Hottest Man Alive

  1. but have you seen footloose?

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Lou

    he is cute as hell, you’re not crazy. been crushing on him since footloose.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s