The “Goes To Italy Once” Series Part IV: Last Days Of The Trip And Still Haven’t Been Discovered For Modeling

Here are the chic photos the international talent scouts missed + Days 7 – 10.  

This is the “Goes to Italy Once” Series, where I tell you how to plan, pack, and dress yourself for your trip to Italy, after going just once!

Here’s what we’ve unpacked so far in the series: Part I was the actual helpful post–all my recos, do’s, don’t’s, tips, and tricks. Part II is a daily breakdown of days 1 – 3 where I go to hell for declining a nun’s offerings and then meet Jesus at the altar of the fatherland. Part III covers days 4 – 5, where I’m reminded no matter how far I travel, being from a small town follows me wherever I go. 

Are you so sick of this Italy series? Well I’m sick of myself every day so you’ll be fine. This post we’re diving into days 7 – 10 and you’re going to like it.

Day Seven. Florence: Claustrophobic, Scared of Heights, Have A Rash, But Still Surprisingly Chic And Fabulous?

You know how on the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show (RIP, BTW), the models always talk about how they were just minding their own business then got discovered by a random talent scout at the mall? That’s always annoying. But anyway, I basically live my life with this in mind. Any day now, guys, any. day. now.

Enjoy the smattering of model photos I took throughout the last days of the Italy journey.

Day Seven started out in just hilarious circumstances because it was a Monday in Florence. And one of my most helpful tips for traveling to Italy is don’t waste a Monday in Florence. Why? Because, sweetie, the reason you go to Florence is to bask in beautiful art and sculptures AND THEY’RE ALL CLOSED ON MONDAY HAHA. No, it’s fine. We made due. It’s so hard being me.

We hiked the Duomo. And you know what, God’s Plan, because after you put yourself through the God-fearing physical challenge that is walking through the dark, narrow, steep pathways inside this centuries-old church, you really physically, mentally, emotionally can’t do much more afterwards. Because you’re dead.

For you un-cultured peasants reading this who aren’t aware of the Duomo, it’s a church with a dome on top. There is a teeny, weensy, narrow, dark staircase that winds up, inside the walls of the church, so you can get right up in the dome, and even outside of it, on top of the roof.

It’s 463 steps and it was very crowded. Some sites say it only takes 15 minutes to walk up without stopping, but emotionally it’s 1 hour. I saw children crying. I saw mother’s screaming, “WHY DID WE STOP, WHAT’S THE HOLD UP?” I saw people walking frantically down the stair steps, the opposite direction as me. I felt dizzy. I felt the most claustrophobic I ever have.

Being early spring, it wasn’t necessarily “hot,” but it was hot enough to make me visualize what climbing the Duomo would be like if it was summer-hot, which made me panic, which made me feel like I was climbing in the summer heat:)

We made it to the top and I clutched myself against the center wall, watching on horrified as people took photos casually leaning on the fence, a mere sliver of metal holding them from their death.

I saw the episode of Sex and The City when that one party girl falls through a window in a high rise apartment TO HER DEATH and whether or not that’s why I have a healthy fear of heights, I think we can all learn a lesson from her.

If you take away anything from this post, I hope it’s a fear of heights. You’re welcome!

Day Eight. Florence to Rome: How To Visit Three Museums In One Day and Cripple Yourself in The Process

We went to Galleria dell’Accademia, Bargello National Museum, and Uffizi Gallery all in one day before traveling back to Rome at night. Y’all. Lane is a marathon runner, which is another blog post full of complaints for another day, but my marathon-running husband literally said, “I would rather run a marathon than be forced to walk and stand for the same amount of hours.”

WALKING AND STANDING IS HARD????? LIKE???????? I had to take constant sitting breaks because I’m actually 87.

An idea: Olympics games where one person from every country walks through 3 museums in 1 day and whoever can do so sitting the least amount of times wins. 

genius.

I also wore a headband (yes the latest trend in hair pieces 2019, thank you for noticing how on-trend and hip I am) the whole day. Did my Amazon headband help a nearby talent scout hire me for magazine ads? No. Mad.

Day Nine. Rome: That Time We Randomly Saw the Pope And Converted to Catholicism

I SAW THE POPE WITH MY OWN TWO EYES SO I GUESS THAT MEANS I’M A BETTER CHRISTIAN THAN YOU SORRY 2019.

God’s Plan by Drake, the dates we chose to fly in and out of Rome were totally arbitrary and based on the cheapest priced tickets. They also happened to include my birthday. The day we chose to be “Vatican City” day happened to be on a Wednesday. Wednesday happens to be the day Pope Francis visits the people. God’s Plan by Drake.

Lane and I honestly thought nothing of the fact that there were crowds of people in front of the Vatican, with multiple cops. The crowds began sitting themselves in the hundreds of chairs in front of St. Peter’s Basilica. Lane must have asked someone nearby what was going on, because he told me the Pope would walk out of the church within an hour. We found ourselves seats and waited.

Hop up out the bed, turn my swag on, Pope Francis is a straight up gangster. Thug Life. He sped around the makeshift pathways between chairs on like a chariot-go kart, literally riding dirty, waving like the queen that he is, stopping and kissing babies hither and thither.

Then we sat through a full blown outdoor Catholic service.

Then we ate lunch, changed clothes, then toured the Vatican museums, Sistine Chapel, Basilica, and traded our non-denominational church card for a Catholic card. Amen and bless.

Day Ten. Rome to USA: I’ve Officially Reached The Point Where I Either Need to Move to Italy And Establish My Life Here or Go Back to the States

European traveling the most exhausting thing you’ll ever do besides raise a child for 18 years. I assume. It’s like playing a game called How Much Can I Possibly Eat, Drink, Walk, Stand, And Spend Without Any Rest And Barely Any Sleep For Ten Day Straight. It’s not for the weak, it’s not even for the healthy, it’s only for the over-confident.

Follow IT’S FINE I’M FINE on Insta u peasants!

A note for the sarcastically challenged!!! I don’t actually believe I’m going to get discovered modeling.