If It’s Not Napkin Rings Or Curtains, I Don’t Want To Talk About It

$100 for set of 4 napkin rings? Ok worth it, it’s an investment, yes, this makes sense.

I lived in dorm rooms and apartments from 2009 to 2018. That’s a decade. Living in small, confined, shared spaces meant no real control over decor or an ~aesthetic~, no room to fit things like “consoles” or “bar carts,” and certainly for the large majority of that decade, ZERO spare budget for home knick knacks.

Flash forward to now, and I’m prepared to have thorough conversations about my living room’s color palate. Ask me about my favorite designers. Or home shop stops. I’m constantly re-targeted by display ads of couches and I’m not even bothered.

It’s at the point now that when someone comes up to me to talk about something, and it doesn’t have to do with curtains, poufs, indoor plants, or finials, I get cranky.

Here are my biggest, weirdest home decor weaknesses and obsessions.

Napkin rings

Why the obsession with these stupid little circles??? The only people in this world who need napkin rings are all of our aunts who host Thanksgiving dinner. But I find myself thinking about napkin rings in my spare time. I just bought a very affordable gold set of 6 from Amazon. Because I’m in my 20s and you Amazon prime your needs. However, when I’m in my 60s, I will not hold back from walking into a Neimans and splurging in all my napkin ring fantasies, by dammit.

Welcome mats

I’m on the hunt for an over-sized, custom mat with the letter “R”. BUT! I also need one for the garage door. And backyard door. SEE, I must keep looking. I need multiple welcome mats or else the house will collapse in filth from outside. I also very much aware of other house’s doormats and Lane has caught me whispering to myself, “Good doormat” or “I want a big doormat,” on different occasions.

Pineapples

Pineapples. It’s actually a requirement to be addicted to pineapple decor when you live in a house. I’ve read that it’s a southern tradition to decorate with pineapples, but I didn’t see that in Gone With The Wind so I think that’s a lie. But I don’t care. Because I have 2 pineapple figurines on my mantle. And every time I see one, I think, I really do need more pineapple decor.

Chairs

I can’t stop shopping for chairs. It’s like I finished the 2 rooms I needed chairs for, but still looking at them hahahahahah???? My biggest weakness is blush velvet chairs, but I do not stop there. I will look at dining room chairs for days. I love those damn Serena & Lily wicker chairs. I recently re-discovered rattan. I search FB Marketplace almost every other day for a wicker peacock chair. I love outdoor patio chairs. King Louis chairs. Ghost chairs. Antique chairs.

WHO WANTS TO CHAIR CHAT. NOT EVERYONE AT ONCE.

Ginger jars

Okay, so here is where my basic starts to show. I know everyone has these in their home, and they’re becoming cliche and over done, but here’s the problem, I’m addicted to ginger jars. I have 4. However, I do not have an authentic, Chinese symbol ginger jar, which means technically I have 0 and need to buy one. See my problem??????? Also, authentic jars are upwards over $100. See my problem?????????????????????

Garden stools

Why is every single garden stool on the face of this earth over $65?? I have looked at walmart.com and FB marketplace, and STILL. ALWAYS. over $60. They’re not quite a chair, not quite an ottoman, not quite a side table, and yet someone gave them the right to be ridiculously expensive. Who gave them the right.

I want one in the pattern of a ginger jar. I do not have a problem or addiction or unhealthy obsession, like at all.

Wine stoppers

How cute can wine stoppers possibly get? It’s too much. It’s over the top. I have a couple, but I really believe that the smaller an item is, the higher quantity you need of them. That is simple logic. That is math. That is science. That is reason. Despite the fact that there is almost never leftover wine after a bottle has been opened it’s fine.

Cute, long matches in chic containers

WOW WHO INVENTED CHIC, LONG MATCHES?? GAME CHANGER. It’s a given that I’m very into burning 89 candles in the house at all times, and I literally can’t wait to burn out one of my Diptyque’s so I can stick some long matches in there. This is what I live for. This is my life now. This is 27.

Okay, I legitimately just had a moment when I couldn’t remember if I was 26 or 27. I had to start counting from 1991 to 2018. Help me.

Containers of all sizes, shapes, and functions

Under the sink baskets? MUST HAVE. NEED MORE. Candle containers? NEED. Trays to hold candles or magazines or misc. items, YES. EVERYTHING NEEDS A HOME. Kleenex box containers, OH YES, THAT’S A BIG ONE. Containers for blankets YES keys YES papers YES remotes YES eggs YES detergent YES.

I GET INFINITE AMOUNTS OF JOY FROM PUTTING ITEMS INTO OTHER ITEMS. And yes, Container store is God’s gift to us all.

Tea towels

Omg how cute are these!!!!! And the perfect gifts???? I recently bought 2 pairs for gifts and I’m just like so giddy for the receivers to open the gifts and be like wtf but I’m going to be so excited??? Like send me pics when your tea towel is hanging yay!!!! Change them out for the seasons!!!!!! Don’t use them for cleaning, use the ugly kitchen rags for that yay!!!!!!!!!!!

Velvet curtains

Oh boy, mama is BIG on the velvet curtains. I very much wanted to buy these for my living room, however, my living room has a 6-panel situation. So, let’s say most curtains cost $50-100 per panel. That lands me at potentially $600 on curtains, which I almost got talked into spending at Pottery Barn one day, welcome to 27, kids 🙂 :). :);).

Dinnerware

Plates are at the TOP of my obsessions. I think I registered for like 5 different styles of plates for my wedding because trying to choose 1-2 was so overwhelming, I just kept falling in love with more plates. Every time I home shop, I look at the plates. Plates are important, WE HAVE TO EAT EVERY SINGLE DAY. See I really should have been a lawyer, I can justify anything.

Poufs

Where were you the day you first discovered the pouf?????? I’ll never forget lol. I was in bed on Overstock.com and I found one and said, “Omg, I want a pouf!” and Lane was like, “You want to what?” and I had to explain that our home was in dire need of multiple poufs, so that guests will always have a place to sit or rest their feet. Poufs are the future. Still on my shopping list.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this fascinating interior design thought piece. Obsess responsibly.

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