The Bachelor season finale: Everything is literally exactly what it seems

Blogging is hard. Here were random thoughts I had throughout the finale. Pls don’t expect complete thoughts/sentences or competent grammar. 

Whitney’s overbearing love for Soules puts me in pain

Soules dad loved whitney immediately that’s sweet

She starts giving a toast in front of the whole family saying how much she loves Soules and she starts crying. Drinking wine is hard.

Chris’ mom and sisters asked him to describe his and Becca’s relationship and he spit out words that didn’t form actual sentences. Like he couldn’t actually do it. K.

Even the mom said he couldn’t articulate what he felt about Becca. But I think the mom might be blind to the fact that he just can’t articulate.

Well the fam loves Whitney.

Whitney is talking alone with the mom and the mom asks her why she loves her son. Whitney starts talking, and, you guessed it, starts crying. She cannot talk without crying. Her mouth triggers her tear ducts, but the mom loves her.

but does america love her.

Chris keeps saying Whitney is perfect, but that he really cares about Becca.

Becca’s visit didn’t go as well. She has said she’s not ready for a proposal and she doesn’t know if she’s in love (ok so you’re not), and Chris’ family just isn’t obsessed with her not being obsessed with Chris.

Yet she says the idea of being without Chris forever is scary to her. IS IT THO/??????????????????? I THINK YOU’RE FINE…???

OH. THE DAD THINKS CHRIS WILL PICK BECCA. OH. like wut

men and intuition am i right lol

Now Becca and Chris are alone. She says she’s falling in love with him but she’s not there yet. What the hell does that mean. He says he wants her to give him everything she has ok no pressure. She said she can’t make any promises as to when she would be able to move.

SHE IS SO NOT INTO THIS I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN.

They continue to have intense conversation, and she tells Chris really conflicting things. She’s falling in love with him and she wants him in her future, but can’t put in words why she’s not completely in love with him and doesn’t know when she’ll feel ready to move to Iowa.

I want to be frustrated with her, but then again, this whole thing they’re doing is so forced and unnatural, most people don’t date in front of cameras, and aren’t forced to choose love/engagement after just a few weeks, so I think Becca is just trying to maintain a sense of normalcy by not completely committing. Like CAN SHE LIVE, AMERICA???? CHRIS???? LET HER LIVE

The scene ends with Chris crying to the camera. I think he really likes her but is hurt she doesn’t completely love him so idk y’all it’s hard

Now he is spending time alone with Whitney and she is so positive and happy and head over heels for him it’s like how does he NOT  pick her. how does he not. She just gushes and gushes about him. Over and over. Talks and talks about how much she loves him. A man can only handle so much.

He finally starts talking. He reciprocates feelings and she is emotional and they kiss and my God the piano music playing rn is making me feel things.

Whitney is wearing a white sweater.

He leaves.

She cries to the cameras. Piano music.

Now we see Chris looking at engagement rings. The rings are huge. He tells the cameras “If you are a man proposing to a woman, if you didn’t sit and question if this is the one you’re meant to be with the rest of your life, then i don’t think you’re a human.”

I can neither confirm nor deny this.

Becca is wearing a long sleeved, fitted burgundy velvet gown. Was not expecting that.

Whitney is wearing a long sleeve fitted navy (black?) boat neck dress. I would have bet that she was going to wear white.

Now Chris stands in his home, in the barn he grew up in, or “raised his first pig in.” we’ve all been there.

Chris says he may not propose to anyone because he’s so torn. ARE YOU???? ARE YOU TORN??????????????? I’M SORRY THIS ISN’T THE MOST OBVIOUS DECISION IN THE WORLD OH WAIT IT IS THO. IT ACTUALLY IS. 

Becca walks in. I can’t imagine having to break up with someone like this. God.

He says a lot of positive things about her and their relationship and I guess I just wish he would stop and cut to the chase because he’s killing me. It must be freezing because I can see his breath when he talks.

He stops. He says, “But you’re not really ready. ….I don’t think it’s fair for either of us to take that leap at this point…”

She is respectful and understanding. She responds with kind words. They hug. Their voices are whispery. Itskindofsad. Imkindofstrugglingrightnow.

the camera zooms in on the single rose left on the table lol does anyone care

Chris says breaking up with her was one of the most painful decisions he’s ever had to make.

Back at the car, Becca says she thinks Chris was in love with her, but that she just wasn’t there yet. She said she does want to be in love but she doesn’t know if it will ever happen :(((((( “If I can’t fall in love with a man like him, who will i ever fall in love with?”

ANSWER: A DIFFERENT GUY, BECCA. YOU WILL LITERALLY FALL IN LOVE WITH A DIFFERENT GUY.

So now just waiting on Whitney. WILL HE PROPOSE TO HER??? I’M NOT SOLD THAT HE WILL. if he is THAT heartbroken over Becca, there is no way his heart/mind/soul is prepared to PROPOSE to another woman the same day. how would that be physically possible.

oh but i digress.

whitney arrives she’s really nervous.

her breath is shaking. she can’t breathe. she starts talking. she is rambling. shaking and rambling. I guess I just wish she would stop talking right now. Let him propose, or break up with you, let him do SOMETHING.

He doesn’t respond to anything she said, he just begins the rehearsed speech you know he’s been trying to memorize and perfect. He starts with “From the moment I met you….”

she starts talking again WHITNEY SHUT UP.

he gets on one knee it’s happening it’s happening

huge diamond

she is crying

he says will you marry me

she doesn’t say yes

she says absolutely

they start kissing it’s romantic and all that

she says she’s the luckiest girl in the whole world, he says he’s the luckiest man

I JUST NEED A CLOSE UP OF THE RING IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?????

he asks her if she will accept this rose. I just wish she would have said no. But comedy isn’t allowed in this show so she says of course she will, most amazing moment, blah blah, she says holy cow, he does his high pitched laugh, ruining any deep moment that is in progression.

OMG IT’S SUNRISE??? THEY ARE WATCHING THE SUN RISE???????? how long does it take to tell two women their future??????????? SUNRISE.

it’s actually really beautiful, the barn and all the green in the sunrise so i’ve been watching this show too long i just said that.

and my TV didn’t record the after the final rose show so why breathe. But according to friends and the Twitter, there will be TWO bachelorettes next season????????????????????????

ok.

Let’s talk about that.

Just when you think the show couldn’t get any more shallow or objectifying, they brilliantly announce that men will choose, and I assume that means VOTE, between Britt and Kaitlyn to be the next Bachelorette. Because happy international women’s day.

How did they convince Kaitlyn and Britt to do that?????? Everyone on this show already has an impossibly low self esteem, how would this not terrify them????

Producers: Hi, kait, yeah we’d like to bring you on to possibly be the next Bachelorette, but even through you just got dumped on national television by chris, we’re not done, we’re going to pair you up against another equally stunning female, and have a few dozen shallow/lonely/desperate men vote between you both, potentially sending you home again, even more embarassing this time, and crushing your spirit/self esteem for eternity, how does that sound? great see you on the soules finale.

i just.