It’s a Girl

I gave birth to a baby girl April 7. We named her Ruby!

During delivery, our doctor casually asked us, do you want me or Lane to announce the gender. Neither of us could form a coherent response, so overwhelmed with everything that is the delivery process.

“It’s a girl.” She said and placed a baby on my chest.

I had spent most my pregnancy convinced I was having a boy. UTTERLY CONVINCED. Lane and I would even refer to baby as our chosen boy name. I bought boy clothes. I had no less than 6 dreams I was having a girl, but that didn’t change my mind. A nurse once slipped “girl” into casual conversation while flipping through our charts, and even then, I assumed that was her catch-all pronoun. Every possible sign that I was having a girl happened and I was still convinced I was having a boy.

So when the doctor placed a baby girl on my chest I was completely shocked. But shocked isn’t even the right adjective. It felt more like undeserved joy. It felt like the whole time I really deep down wanted a girl, and maybe the reason I thought baby would be a boy was because I couldn’t let myself get my hopes up for a girl. Maybe.

Or maybe it’s just because I love pink and want to wear matching outfits with her hehe.

I know I would be so overjoyed with a boy as well but there is something about raising a girl that has be all up in my feelings. Like a deep pride and responsibility in raising a girl.

Maybe it’s because I’m a girl and know first-hand all the things girls go through. I think about all my big and small, good and bad milestones growing up, and how I want to be a parent to ruby when she has those experiences.

First date, first heartbreak, first true love, first fight with mean girls at school, first body change, first job, first prom. First drink. First wedding!!! Lol. I think of different firsts she’ll experience all the time. Ugh! Emotions! Hormones! 1203 Glass Case of Emotions Drive is my new permanent mailing address.

Ruby was born on a Tuesday and that’s special to me, because it reminds me of the song Ruby Tuesday by The Rolling Stones and I saw the stones live with my dad when I was in high school. It’s also special because everything was a surprise. We didn’t know we were having a girl, didn’t know when we would deliver. I love that she came on a Tuesday. April 7 was also the biggest brightest super moon of the year, called the “pink moon” — a perfect day to be born a girl! I couldn’t have aligned all these things so perfectly if I tried. God wrote a really cool story to bring Ruby into the world and I feel so special, loved, and undeserving to be a part of it. 💗💗🎀

A final note:

I wrote this on my phone. Perpetually Sleep deprived. Motherhood is hard fam.