DRY JANUARY RECAP: Worst Three Days Of My Life

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nope

and by 3 days i mean 2.5

Wikipedia:

Dry January is a custom of abstaining from alcohol for the month of January, particularly practised in the United Kingdom.

Well NO WONDER BREXIT HAPPENED AM I RIGHT PEOPLE.

You’re probably wondering, well Augusta, no one forced you to do dry January, and to you I would say you’re right. In fact, I had no intentions of ever embarking the unbearable journey. In fact, I had intentions to tackle this month as “Damp January,” meaning I would only drink if there was a special occasion.

That went well.

Special occasions January 2017:

  • Best friend came to visit Dallas
  • Two years dating anniversary
  • Reunite with friends I hadn’t seen since 2016
  • Company winter party
  • Work happy hour
  • Spent the day babysitting two boys
  • I’m tired
  • I found champagne

As you can see, Damp January actually did not go well for me.

THUS began the last weekend of January. I said to myself, I said I’m not going to drink this weekend. I said I’m starting Dry January because I am someone who accomplishes things, I am an over achiever, workaholic, I’m the wolf of Wall Street.

THIS IS WHAT NOT DRINKING 2.5 DAYS LOOKS LIKE

DRY JANUARY DAY ONE, FRIDAY JANUARY 27, 2017

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good behavior

I left work. I went to the gym. My sad non-happy hour drinking reflection stared back at me in the mirrored walls. I worked out kind of. I left gym. I went to Urban Taco with Lane. I did not order a marg. I stared at the girl in the reflection of my appetizer tortilla soup. She stared back at me, sad to not have a marg in her hand. Lane and I went to La La Land. I did not order wine. I stared at my reflection in my diet coke. The girl staring back at me said this is way unhealthier than red wine. I said who am I. Lane didn’t drink either this night, to support me, because he is a Saint.

DRY JANUARY DAY TWO, SATURDAY JANUARY 28, 2017

I woke up. The world was gray. But I wasn’t hungover. Lane and I went to brunch. I did not order a mimosa. What do I win. The world was gray.

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hopping out of bed without a hangover

That night, Lane was supposed to have a guy’s night with his friends. I planned on staying at my apartment to watch GIRLS and eat Halo Top. Instead, Lane was done hanging out with his friends by like 8, and I was like okay I’m coming over but I’m not clingy. We did not buy wine like we normally would have. I’m a nun?????? Resisting wine on a Saturday night at home??????? I work in a home office of mahogany and fine leathers????????????????????

DRY JANUARY DAY THREE, SUNDAY JANUARY 29, 2017

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welp this is my life now, this is my new normal, day three, here we go

I had nursery duty at my church. I survived 15 toddlers. Then, in a bizarre turn of events I don’t fully know how to explain, Lane and I went to a dinosaur theme park for children. Idk. Animatronic dinosaurs filled Fair Park, tour guides involved. Lane loves dinosaurs. **THERE WAS NO ALCOHOL BEING SERVED AT THIS EVENT, NOT THAT I CHECKED**

Then afterwards, things may have gone south. We may have gone to a pizza restaurant and I may have accidentally ordered a draft beer and I may have accidentally drank it all. And then another.

Every saint has a past, every sinner has a future.

Glad to say I mostly accomplished what I set out to do. I feel grateful to be where I am, couldn’t have done it without my fans, if ur dreams don’t scare u, they aren’t big enough.

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