This is going to make you uncomfortable

MURDER AT THE NAIL PLACE

But not as uncomfortable as I am right now sitting down in my most comfortable clothes. Why am I uncomfortable? Let’s start with my Tuesday afternoon decision making process.

3 PM CST, DOWNTOWN DALLAS

Do I want to go to The Porch, stay late and work, go home and work out, or go eat a pancake at I-Hop with paige.

Freedom is really hard. No christian radio station or Judy Blume novel prepares you for the decisions you face after you graduate the college. Anyways, so after deciding I’m starting to get sick and don’t have the strength to drive to my church in North Dallas, and battle the small nation-sized parking lots and hiking trails that it takes to attend. I justify this with I’ll go home and read a christian book. 

The book I’ll actually never finish reading

So it’s decided, I’m going to get a relaxing mani and read a book after work, good decision, Augusta, you go Augusta.

8:15 PM CST, GAYBORHOOD, DALLAS

No.

Because after getting my marsala shellac mani, something weird happens. The male manicurist finished my nails, and asked me if I wanted a 15 minute shoulder massage. So the real question here is, HAS ANYONE EVER SAID NO TO A SHOULDER MASSAGE???????????????

I said ok.

And thus begins the most excruciatingly painful 15 minutes of my life. I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO PASS OUT. I was like SURELY someone around sees what’s happening and is going to call the National Guard or something. SURELY someone else is witnessing the abuse that is happening behind me. HELP ANYONE.

AND THAT WAS *WITH* LOTION

A friend asked me why I didn’t just ask him to stop and I said because I didn’t want to be rude so literally what’s wrong with me. Send help. Send edible arrangements.

After my torture session, I risked my life turning left on Cedar Springs where I nearly ran over homeless, trannies, and homeless trannies. *No one was harmed in the making of this blog*

I walked into get Kroger to get two items: Chicken noodle soup and decaf green tea because I’m chic and dainty.

What I actually bought:

1. A pre-made sandwich
2. Guacamole
3. Red wine
4. A pack of kind bars for $400
5. Nut-thin crackers

so kids, welcome to your early twenties, and i’m not saying all of this and $8 of gas went on my TJ MAXX credit card but i’m not saying it didn’t.

Thank you for reading my only blog under 18,000 words, and my first blog in like 18,000 years because having a family and kids plus a full time job is hard, jk i literally only have a job and a social life and i barely have the second one blogging is hard bye #CAVS #LEBRON bye