It’s a Wonderful Life, but not until you get it

this advertisement is in color just like the movie oh wait

Quick catch up: I entered the “real world” when I was 22 and until that very year, I had no idea how stupid I was at movies. Apparently I haven’t seen any movie that’s ever existed. I only know this because my coworkers constantly quote movies and I can’t keep up, even though I pretend to.

I won’t say they’ve created a Google Doc of movies I need to see, but I won’t say they haven’t.

But one of the few movies my parents DID raise me on was It’s a Wonderful Life. And I love it. I watched this movie the other night for the first time since, oh, the nineties. And so I obviously had some new realizations about it. Here they are.

1. Wait, do ears really bleed like that?

i dont pop molly i rock tom ford

Remember when young George Bailey gets bitch-slapped? And his ear gushed? It kind of scarred me for life, but I’m fine. I now realize that he saved the old man’s business. Great.

I mainly took this opportunity to point out that my pierced ears bleed every time I wear earrings because it’s clear I was created for expensive metals. Someone spoil me. Anyone. 

2. Everything is war between blondes vs. brunettes

“This old thing? Why, I only wear it when I don’t care how I look.”

“I didn’t want to marry anybody else in town. I want my baby to look like you. “

Here’s a movie plot for you:

All guys want the blonde. Blonde wants the main guy. Brunette wants the main guy. Main guy wants the brunette.

Did I just describe It’s a Wonderful Life or Mean Girls idk.

While both of them definitely majored in M.R.S., Violet definitely minored in Sass. Mary probably minored in Home-ec.

Life takeaway: Brunettes make better wives but blondes are more fun? Would George have swiped left on Violet if he was dating in 2014? Because I srsly doubt it. He would have taken her to a bad date at the Gingerman like the rest of us.

3. Every good couple apparently has a song

NOW WE ALL WANT THE MOON GEORGE AND NONE OF US WILL GET IT AND YOU’RE A MONSTER

And when you’re singing your song with your boo thang, having the best time of your life, that’s when one of your parents die. It’s a wonderful life.

and when he doesn’t commit you break the memory of the song then murder him wait what

4. The actual worst possible thing in the entire world ever is that you could end up an OLD MAID”

FRANK CAPRA, I’D LOVE TO GRAB COFFEE WITH YOU AND HAVE A SMALL, CALM CHAT ABOUT THIS SCENE.

The old maid scene is actually what inspired this blog. Clarence is showing George what his life would have been like if he was never born. After Clarence went through every person in the movie, George fearfully asked what became of his wife, Mary. Clarence was hesitant. He tried to avoid it. He couldn’t bear to say it. G got violent and finally forced it out of C.

Exact words from the movie:

George Bailey: Where’s Mary? If this is all real and I was never born, what became of Mary?
Clarence: [hesitates] Well… I don’t… I can’t…
George Bailey: [grabs Clarence by his collar] Look, I don’t know how you know these things, but if you know where my wife is, you’ll tell me.
Clarence: I… I’m not supposed to tell.
George Bailey: Please, Clarence, where’s my wife? Tell me where my wife is.
Clarence: You’re not going to like it, George.
George Bailey: Where is she? What happened to her?
Clarence: She became an old maid. She never married…
George Bailey: [desperate] Where is she? WHERE IS SHE?
Clarence: She’s… she’s just about to close up the library!
[George throws Clarence to the ground and runs off]

WHERE IS SHE HE SAYS

THE LIBRARY, GEORGE, GET A GRIP. BUT OH NO, HER “OLD MAID” OCCUPATION GOT THE WORST REACTION OUT OF BOTH GEORGE AND CLARENCE. FORGET THAT THE PHARMACIST WAS SENT TO PRISON FOR 20 YEARS FOR POISONING SOMEONE, I REMEMBER MY FIRST TIME IN PRISON, NBD. FORGET THAT VIOLET BECAME A FREAKING PROSTITUTE. SCREW THE UNCLE FOR CHECKING INTO AN INSANE ASYLYM. THE REAL TRAGEDY IS THAT A WHITE FEMALE IN AMERICA DIDN’T MARRY, AND, GASP, HELD DOWN A JOB. OK. IT’S FINE.

butyouveGOTtobekiddingme.

This part never struck me as disturbing when I watched it as a wee human. My frontal lobe had to develop and be single before I could understand how literally insane this idea is.

ok i think my rant is over. maybe. idk. breathing.

5. ANGELS ARE REAL THO

this part of George and Clarence at the bar is funny to me because I’m an alcoholic

When I was little I would watch this, and like everything my little human brain saw, I assumed it was real, including the existence of angels. Well now that I’ve grown up and wised up a little I believe that angels are real. still.

SO I’M STILL 5 OR WHATEVER. read:

Keep on loving one another as brothers and sisters. Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it. Continue to remember those in prison as if you were together with them in prison, and those who are mistreated as if you yourselves were suffering.

Hebrews 13: 1-3

AND what’s fun and weird and blog-worthy is that I read that verse the night before finding It’s a Wonderful Life on TV right when it started #HASHTAGFATEANDSTUFF

As great as this movie is, and as much as I love the scene when the entire town gives George money, I actually cried more the other day in the episode of The Office when Michael proposed to Holly ok bye.

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1 Comment

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One response to “It’s a Wonderful Life, but not until you get it

  1. Lauren

    I found your blog when someone recommended it for Bachelor recaps but I’m basically creeping on all your posts now and I think you’re going to be my new BFF (it’s fine LOL)

    Like