Tag Archives: i have a college degree?

November 12, 2014 · 10:31 PM

Dear everyone, my job is real. Love, me.

Locating a generic social media photo is easier than finding babies on your newsfeed.

I love talking about social media so let’s do that then. In fact let’s start with some context, or a “Hahtag Throwback Thursday,” if you will.

It’s July 2011. Father Neal and Augusta are in Lubbock, TX between the hours of 13:00 and 15:00. Father and daughter walk into a local grocery store, Leonard’s (RIP), for a few insignificant knick knacks. Augusta glances at her phone, then cheerfully announces, “I’m the mayor of Leonard’s on FourSquare!” Father ponders this and says, “And where does that get you in life?

~*~Fast forward to November 2014~*~

I can now answer my dad’s question. IT GET’S ME PAID, DAD. ACTUAL JOB-STATUS PAID. IN A REAL AMERICAN CITY AND EVERYTHING.

Social media is a real job, people. It’s a thing, much to my parent’s dismay. In fact, it’s really amazing and an act of God that I am where I am today, considering my parents were NOT going to let me move to Dallas without a some form of magical rent-paying machine. So when I told them my plan after college was to move to Dallas for an unpaid internship, they said absolutely not. Y’all, I cannot stress enough, it was a fight for about two months, of trying to convince my parents to let me move to Dallas without a job.

Thank God for the family therapist, who finally convinced them the ways of the world 2013. YAS MOM, YOU PAID A MAN TO CHANGE YOUR MIND TO CONFORM TO THAT OF YOUR THEN-22 YR OLD DAUGHTER, AND HE, I, AND DALLAS SEND YOU MANY THANKS.

So while we’re all gathered together on the topic of social media, here is where I insert common myths associated with my job.

i’ve actually never played farmville in my life.

MYTH NO. 1: I SIT AND TWEET ALL DAY.

This is annoying to no end, but I suppose that if I didn’t work in media, and had no idea how an agency operated, this is what I would think too. The fact is, I do not sit and tweet/post statuses all day. If I did that, I would very likely get fired, because doing that means none of the content was approved by editors or clients, WHICH MEANS DEATH.

Does sitting and tweeting even sound fun to anyone? That sounds horrid and boring and lonely. Don’t be the person that sits and tweets all day.

In all reality, I spend the LEAST amount of time inside Facebook/Twitter responding to things. The least.

Truth: It’s obviously a part of the job, but it is NOT The Job.

MYTH NO. 2: I KNOW EVERY SINGLE THING THERE IS TO KNOW ABOUT ALL SOCIAL MEDIA CHANNELS AND TECHNOLOGY AND THE CLOUD AND THE PURPOSE OF LIFE.

I haven’t discovered the “know everything there is to know about social media marketing” drugs yet, but as soon as they’re available at my local CVS, I’m handing them my insurance card and O.D.’ing immediately.

Social media changes more than updates in ISIS (too soon????). Every week (if not day/hour) a feature has been added, something has been removed, organic reach is harder on the newsfeed, and your S.E.O. is in danger of going extinct. And you have to stay on top of it all while crossing off those deliverables.

I subscribe to my favorite media sites to try to StAy -N- ThE KnOw, but don’t one time a coworker in client service discovered Hyperlapse before me and it was the worst thing that’s every happened to me in my entire existence and I don’t like going back to that dark moment.

Truth: I discover platform nuances and new work-around solutions (AKA things I didn’t know before) literally every single week, and I know there’s still more to learn and master in the realm of social media/newsfeed chasing.

As far as technology goes, let’s just say I.T. is rarely bored. I hate Apple/iOS updates even more than character limits. And one time I had to call a friend to help me use the TV remote, BECAUSE NO, IT IS NOT OBVIOUS TO PUSH THE “AT&T” BUTTON BEFORE USE OK IT’S JUST NOT I CAN’T.

MYTH NO. 3: SOCIAL MEDIA STARTS AND ENDS ON THE PLATFORM.

Meaning, my job starts when I log into Facebook and type a status, then stops once its posted.

THIS COULD NOT BE FURTHER FROM REALITY. I DON’T EVEN USE FACEBOOK TO POST ON FACEBOOK.

The other day, a friend was visiting the office and he saw Microsoft Excel open on my computer. He was like, “YOU use excel????????”

my response.

Beyond just the creative phase of brainstorming and writing the content, there are hours (and eons) of strategy, analytics, and scheduling. In fact, the part your eyes see, the actual post/tweet/Instagram/update/share/comment, is the easiest (and most fun) part. It’s the GETTING IT TO YOUR EYES, at that exact (sometimes paid) place and time, and then measuring its success, the stuff that no one sees, is what really puts the food on my table.

Because what’s the point of putting out content if you don’t put it in the right place? Or if you don’t analyze its success/failures? Or predict future campaigns based on what’s in front of you? Can you eloquently explain that in laymen’s terms for a client or describe its imperative role in the brand’s overall content strategy? okimdonesorry but rly u should think about that.

Truth: I’m logged into the Microsoft office, Adobe suite, enterprise programs/tools to schedule/monitor/analyze content, CMS platforms, AND SPOTIFY every single day. 

MYTH NO. 4: SOMEONE JUST TWEETED THAT TWEET YOU JUST READ

There was once a time in my life, a short time, a long time ago, when I thought that everything I read on social media was published by someone at that second. I literally thought someone was sitting in Huffington Post offices just tweeting away, all hours of the day and night.

I was talking to someone recently who thought the same thing.

nOooOoOOoOooOoo. Almost all brand social media (and blog) content is scheduled to go live months/weeks in advance, only after rigorous editing/approval processes. Which explains why Joan Rivers rose from the dead to post about the iPhone 6.

Truth: That Halloween tweet you just read was scheduled whilst that person was simultaneously texting his or her friends about 4th of July plans. This is why real-time marketing is a distinct, if not delicately artful, branding strategy.

MYTH NO. 5: ALL I DO IS SOCIAL MEDIA 

I can’t speak for all social media marketers on this obvi.

But as for me, on any given day I could also be writing material for blogs or e-mail marketing, pulling/compiling analytics reports for blogs/e-mails/digital magazines, optimizing print content for digital through search engine optimization, researching the search volume and Google rank for keywords in an industry, auditing content, assisting in social media strategy in pitches to clients, or really anything random that pops up and involves internet.

Truth: Evernote and the reminders app are my best friends. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

PHEW OK I’M DONE I HOPE WE ALL LEARNED SOMETHING VALUABLE

jk i just tweet all day

 Images via: blogs.smoda.elpais.com, thoughtcatalog.com, www.buzzfeed.com, car-memes.com,

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October 24, 2014 · 12:47 AM

How To Become a Texas Resident. No, but really.

Becoming a Texas resident is simple. Just follow these tried-and-true steps from someone with firsthand experience.

Step one: Vehicle registration and inspection.
Gather your relevant paperwork and Google maps your way to the nearest sketchy auto shop that will rip you off by doing something Texans call “inspecting your vehicle.” Your car will ALMOST be able to pass this test. But as it turns out, you won’t. You definitely won’t. Why? You’re a gangster. You ride dirty on the streets in your less than 25% window light transmission tint.

Non-Texas residents rolling around Dallas without having their windows inspected.

Step two: Pay four thousand million dollars de-tint and re-tint your windows.
You will have to take off work for this. Then spend a Saturday afternoon there. Because de-tinting means re-tinting and it takes too long to do it all in one trip. Also, this will be a hundred thousand dollars out of your weekly Mint spending allowance. Not that you follow it anyway.

Step three: Go back to get inspected and not have Texas insurance
OH YEAH LOL you didn’t know you were supposed to have Texas auto-insurance??? Lolz like duhh who DOESN’T know that???? WHO doesn’t KNOW that???????? Now you can call God knows who to get your New Mexico insured vehicle transferred to some Texas policy. This is exciting because it gives your parents another opportunity to ween your financial needs off of their payroll. ENJOY ADULTHOOD!! AUTO INSURANCE IS $65-100 PER MONTH!!!

Step four: Get auto insurance in Texas and print out a crap ton of papers to prove it to everyone throughout the following steps

Step five: go BACK to the FREAKING auto place 
The staff of this establishment OFFICIALLY HATES YOU. But at least your inspection is complete and you finally have all the necessary paperwork needed to follow the next steps.

Step six: Lose the necessary paperwork needed to follow the next steps.
The kind woman on 500 Elm street breaks the news to you. You’re missing the “out of state” inspection paper. Okay. Ok. O. K. ok. k.

Step seven: Go. Back. To. The. Inspection. Shop.
They claim they gave it to you. YET WHY DON’T YOU HAVE IT. That’s okay because the auto shop inspection car place and vehicle registration office are both downtown. After retrieving the correct paper from the auto shop, you go back to the registration office.

Step eight: Check your glove box and find the paper you needed all along.
It’s fine.

Step nine: WTF is a lienholder???????
I graduated a four year college and managed to scrape by without being properly taught the definition (or existence) of the word “LIENHOLDER.”

You will be asked this by the kind woman at the registration office.
You’re so close to getting your vehicle registered, you. can. almost. taste. it.

You call your mom. You call your dad. No answer. No answer. The lady is looking at you with sympathy. Oh, poor spoiled newly grad white girl. Lienholder, lienholder, if you know if you’re a lienholder, good for you, if you know if I’m one, THAT MAKES ONE OF US.

Step ten: The registration lady decides it’s not that big of a deal and tells you to get in line.
Pay another unexpectedly high amount for two Texas metal plates.

Step eleven: BASK IN THE GRATIFYING FEELING OF FINALLY OWNING THE COVETED TEXAS LICENSE PLATES.
Walk out of the office feeling elation. Tweet that you’re almost done with the New Mexican turns Texan process.

You’re not a New Mexican, not yet a Texan.

Step twelve: Put them in your car and never actually get to putting them ON your car

Step thirteen: Ask off work to go to the DMV
Now here comes the exciting stuff!!! Getting the ID!! It’s finally happening IT’S HAPPENING!!!

Step fourteen: Enter the wrong location in Google maps
How did that happen? No really. How. Did. That. Happen.

Step fifteen: Parallel park and use all your quarters to pay for an hour and a half of parking
Quarters lost a little of their luster after leaving the dorms freshmen year and not having to pay for laundry BUT STILL. $1.50 DOWN THE DRAIN.

Step sixteen: Realize it’s the wrong address.
HAHA YAY.

Step seventeen: Put the right address into your Google maps.

Step eighteen: Sign in online to the DMV
I’m so on the ball! You tell yourself. Score!

Step nineteen: Get UNCANNILY lost driving to the right location.

Step twenty: Lose your spot in line at the DMV.

Step twenty-one: Find yourself in an exit only lane to Houston.
GAWD HELP US ALL.

Step twenty-two: Curse to Siri out loud alone in the car and finally arrive to said destination 48 minutes later
Whatever. You made it. You’re alive. You’re free. World peace.

Step twenty-three: Go through the ID process three times
Congratulations! A colonial woman has time-machined her way into 2013 and landed in your local Department of Motor Vehicle office. She will be assisting you with your final steps to becoming a Texas resident today. She has never used electricity, but she will DEFINITELY be entering your data into the computer program today.

Okay, I’m a patient person. I am. Or at least I hate confrontation, don’t have a backbone, can’t stand up for myself, especially to strangers, and often times that’s just as good as patience. My personality is so laid back and care free, I practically invite people like this to screw up, just because they know I won’t say anything.

But what KILLS ME is the picture that is my future ID. Now, I’m a girl, so I’m obligated to be a little vain when it comes to the face that will have to be inside my wallet every day for the rest of my young life.

The first time my picture was taken, it was as if the Texas resident angels looked down upon me and shed their goodness and light.

What my first photo for my Texas ID looked like.

I did the awkward machine signature, did the thumbprint thing, ya da ya da. The woman prints out the ID with my first name as my last name. It’s fine. Process round two.

The second time I took my photo, it wasn’t as great, but whatever.

My second picture taken for my Texas ID. Not my best, kind of quirky, but whatever.

Whatever. whatever. Signed the machine, thumbprints, colonial woman enters the data, lalala okay. okay.

NAMES. STILL. WRONG. Three-four seemingly colonial women are now crowded around the computer technologies in efforts to order the names right.

MUST. TAKE. PICTURE. AGAIN.

The third picture taken for my Texas ID. This is only a fraction of an exaggeration.

After the lady shows you your picture, you shudder, but you don’t have the heart to make her take your picture AGAIN. You deal with it internally.

Step twenty-four: Become a Texas Resident

You’re finally a TX resident. Bask.

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