Couples I Wish Would Have Broken Up Instead Of Jenna & Channing Tatum

CASAMIGOS Tequila At The 18th Annual Hollywood Film Awards

enjoys CASAMIGOS Tequila during The 18th Annual Hollywood Film Awards at The Palladium on November 14, 2014 in Hollywood, California. CASAMIGOS Tequila is brought to you by those who drink it.

And other unsolicited thoughts on marriage. 

First of all, we as a nation must stop saying “love is dead” after every celebrity couple break up. Like, this happens every other day. Love is only allowed to be dead one time, and Nick and Jessica stole that a long time ago.

nickjess

simpler times

Not to mention we have lived through the rise, peak, and collapse of other Couples Of Our Generation.

NEVER FORGET

Khloe & Lamar ~*~*~*KHLOMAR~*~*~*~

Miranda & Blake ~*~*~* BLIRANDA~*~*idk i just made that up

Angelina & Brad ~*~*BRANGELINA~*~*~

Anna & Chris ~*~*~* ANNA & CHRIS~~*~*~*~*

Our hearts will keep beating even after the Step Up couple’s dance is over (see what I did there).

I just love their Instagram statement about the split.  My greatest wish is that every couple, famous or not, would release a statement when they decided to break up.

jenna

Hey world! So….

(what is that opener???)

Other than starting sentences as “Hey World! So…” the second thing I hate the most is when couples say they broke up cordially. Like, do not give me this “lovingly choosing to separate as a couple” bs, PLEASE. PLEASE. I WANT TO HEAR THAT YOU FOUGHT ALL THE TIME. WHO STARTED THE FIGHTS. WHO BROKE IT OFF FOR GOOD. I WANT TO KNOW IF CHANNING GAY. I WANT YOU BOTH TO ADMIT YOU’RE CHOOSING CAREERS OVER MARRIAGE. that’s all. not asking a lot here.

I’m just not mature enough to just buy that “nothing has changed between us,” ok, never said I was perfect, but I am pretty darn close.

Side thought: there was once a time in my life when I thought Channing was the hottest celebrity ever. Obviously he is attractive, sure, but like, to choose Channing as my #1 celeb crush is very embarrassing and I have to live with that the rest of my life. 2008 was hard? Luke Bryan was also on the list? Wow, I have grown and matured, and become a new woman, wow. 

 

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im sad

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who am i

 

Now is the time to look back and reflect on Jenna & Channing’s last Instagrams together, because that is the natural next step.

Looking at Channing’s Instagram, you would literally never suspect a divorce was on the horizon. He posted a selfie of the two of them just 2 weeks before they announced the split, and I’m literally mad about it.

Digging back a little further, we find that he posted this “happy life day” whatever the hell that is, just back in December. OKAY, THAT IS FAIRLY RECENT. WERE THEY HAVING PROBLEMS IN DECEMBER OR ARE THESE PROBLEMS NEW AND JUST NOT WORTH WAITING IT OUT? WOW VERY WORKED UP RN.

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KILL ME, TAKE IT BACK, CHANNING. YOU DIDN’T MEAN IT.

channing3

KILL ME, CHANNING, YOU WONDERFULLY GIFTED CRAFTSMAN OF WORDS, WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME

channing2

Just kill me.

Jenna’s Instagram is far more concerning.

Her last IGs with her ex-husband was November and May 2016. Like, you basically have to go out of your way to exclude your husband from your IG presence at that point. Not to mention, BOTH captions were just emojis. I’m not typically one to be suspicious of an innocent emoji cap, but COME ON, JENNA. THE POOR MAN WAS FLOODING HIS IG WITH PARAGRAPHS OF YOU FOR CHRIST’S SAKE. WOW I’M STRESSED.

 

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BEES AND HEARTS. NO WONDER THEY DIVORCED. WHAT IS THAT.  COULD YOU  TAKE A BLURRIER PHOTO????? LIKE
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PARTY HAT SALSA DANCER WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN

Couples I Wish Would Have Broken Up Instead Of Jenna & Channing

No. 1. Miles and Kalieigh

(i refuse to even attempt her name, ok, pls don’t make me google her)

kelehgh

this, among many other of her IG photos, is so painfully FaceTuned. If there is a world where I look like Kileigh, and I FaceTune myself, just shoot me.

I can’t with this couple, and by that, I mean I can’t with Keliiegeh. I fell in love with Miles, first, and I don’t think that is a psycho thing to say at all, and I don’t care if she is a world-famous super model, she will never be good enough for him, and I will fillibuster this run-on sentence until Miles notices me.

HELLO, MILES, IF YOU’RE READING THIS, I WROTE THIS BLOG POST FOR YOU.

And just what kind of personal hell do you have to be living in to look like her and still FaceTune your IGs.

No. 2. Julianne Hough and Anyone She’s In Any Kind Of Relationship With

julianne

i’m sorry.

No. 3. All of The Ryans

"The Place Beyond The Pines" Premiere - 2012 Toronto International Film Festival

they’ve done enough, and now they need to let go.

landscape-1514981903-blake-ryan

whatever it was could not have possibly been that funny, ok, let’s be honest here

So, like it does, this celebrity break up sparked a conversation about monogamy in the group text…

And I always have to send the, “Don’t get me started lol” and roll up my sleeves. Because I’m a newlywed, and I’m basic and predictable among other things, and I have 87 marriage books and 2 months of premarital counseling (homework involved) fresh on the brain. I’m literally prepared to lead a Q&A college lecture on the subject of marriage.

So question of the hour. Do you believe in monogamy??????????? (I kind of hate that word??)?????? I’m going to quickly state my beliefs and if you disagree, you can literally start your own blog and complain about it there.

Monogamy or not, we are all sinners.

Soulmates are not real.

Marriage is not the end-all, be-all.

I believe camping out on either side of the monogamy debate kind of misses the point. I don’t believe monogamy is “dead” or “impossible” nor do I believe it’s “natural” or “righteous in and of itself”. You can of course be in a monogamous relationship and it can still be unhealthy. However, I absolutely do believe monogamy is possible and can be sustainable in a healthy, lifelong relationship. I believe marriage in general requires A LOT of dependence on the Holy Spirit and a healthy understanding of our human weakness.

I believe the resources and habits you put in place to nurture your relationship are just as much IF NOT MORE IMPORTANT than the person you marry.  Soulmate is a fun word and I like to say it, lalala. However, I believe we have the freedom to choose any lifelong partner we want. And that we could make marriage work with a number of people, so long as we nurture it. I think there is so much beauty in picking ONE person and choosing them daily.

I don’t believe marriage is the end game of happiness or fulfillment. Yes, it’s a blessing, A TRULY RICH BLESSING THAT NONE OF US DESERVE, but we can’t expect being married — NOR EXPECT OUR SPOUSE — to *poof* satisfy us and make us completely whole.

And I sure as HECK don’t believe celebs represent what a healthy marriages look like.

WOW BET UR GLAD U KNOCKED ON THIS DOOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

tim

The best book I read to prepare myself for the reality of marriage was Meaning of Marriage by Tim Keller. I highly recommend this book even if you’re not Christian. It’s just a GREAT book that breaks down historical and modern views of dating and marriage. Religious or not, I encourage you to prepare for your marriage, if you care at all about making it work long term.

mingling-of-souls

I also loved Matt Chandler’s Mingling of Souls, but I honestly wish I had read that YEARS ago. It’s a great read for your single/dating years. HIGH SCHOOLERS, ACT NOW.

I’m a marriage counselor and pastor now.

Celebrities, feel free to fill out my contact form for marriage counseling and advice, tnx, see you in the DMs, Miles Teller.

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1 Comment

Filed under faith things, pop culture things, wedding things

One response to “Couples I Wish Would Have Broken Up Instead Of Jenna & Channing Tatum

  1. How can you say such things! Julianne Hough is married and I’m pretty sure she saved her virginity for him so like you know its the real thing because that shit is hard. Also Blake and Ryan are the two coolest people in the world. I’d marry either of them! OH I must know….how do you feel about Miley and Liam?!?! Yay or nay?

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